Another post about Bella....

Yes I know I talk about her a lot.

On her actually birthday Joe and I took off work and took her to the zoo! It was so fun and she was old enough to actually be involved and amazed with the animals. She had a great time and so did we. I also got to meet up with a friend, Ashley, who I have only talked to online. She is not creepy, don't freak out! She is part of a dear mom's group I am in on facebook that has helped me through a lot. It was great to finally meet someone I have been talking to for over a year!

After the zoo we took Bella to the mall and just walked around and enjoyed the day. The weather was perfect too. We ended the day with dinner at my parents house!

However, despite the wonderful day, I FORGOT MY CAMERA. Because I'm a failure. So here are the cell phone pics from the day.

I was pretty proud of her outfit.

yeah...

I'm on a blogging roll this month. I'm pretty proud.

My baby is one.

My baby is one. She is a crawling, talking, dancing, laughing, kissing, throwing-food-on-the-floor-on-purpose one year old. I have repeated that sentence over and over today, thinking maybe the next time it will sink in. But maybe it never does. I am surrounded by mothers and to me that's just who they are. My mother is a mom. My mother in law is a mom. My friends are moms, my teachers were moms, my coworkers are moms. It is no big deal to me, from the outside looking in, but is it always this surreal feeling? Will I always be in a state of awe and shock at the incredibly swift passing of time?

I keep saying I can't believe Bella is one. And then it will be...
"I can't believe Bella is two."
"I can't believe Bella's in kindergarten."

"I can't believe Bella can drive."

"I can't believe Bella's getting married."

"I can't believe Bella's having a baby."

Does it ever go away? I always feel like I'm still getting used to this. Like I just brought her home and the mistakes I make are okay because I'm a "first time mom" and I've never done this before. But it will still be new to me at every age, at least for Bella. She is my firstborn, the one who made me a mother. No matter how many other children we have, everything with her will always be new. 

I hope she cuts me some slack for that. When she is mad at me when she's seventeen I hope she knows I am second-guessing our argument too. I hope she knows that this is uncharted territory for me too and we can figure it out together. I just want her to know I love her. And she won't ever know how much, until she has a baby of her own (many MANY years from now!). I love her so much words are not even enough, I would and will do anything for her. 

I try not to get too deep and sentimental regarding her too often, but then again I think it helps me live more in the moment. It helps me remember that she won't always be so excited at just the sight of me from across the room, or give me kisses without asking for them. I know a lot of heartbreak lies ahead for us both on this journey, but there is a lot of love up ahead too. 

Happy birthday, baby girl. 

The First Birthday Party

Yesterday we had Bella's birthday party. We are having another smaller one at my in-laws next weekend for some extended family on Joe's side, but yesterday was the "big" party. It. Was. Perfect. I could not have asked for better weather, everything as far as food, decorations, Bella's mood - it all fell into place. 

We had a great group of family and close friends and I was just overcome with how many people in our life love our sweet girl. We are so blessed and sometimes I don't think about it enough! My baby is going to be one on Tuesday, that is a whole different post. 

I have had so many mixed emotions with every milestone she hits. It is so exciting and fun to watch her grow and develop her own personality. But I am painfully aware of how little time we get her like this. She will only be little for a very short part of her life. It isn't fair, but if anything it makes me always appreciate her. Even when I am frustrated and she won't stop crying and my house is a wreck and I need a shower, I love her so much it hurts. So much that I can't even contain it in my body. I have always heard people say that having a child is watching your heart beat outside of your body, and that is so true. It's like the day she was born I grew a whole new heart. I never thought love could consume me like it does for her. I love my husband so much and I am so grateful for him everyday, but loving her is different. Such a different love. 

Anyways, enough sap. Onto the pictures!

I made this. Seriously. I know, it's impressive. Thank you Pinterest.

Cake and smash cake!

Month to month pictures and cupcake lights. Overseen by our Lord...

I think she's telling Papaw he's had enough to eat...

Good view of the front of her outfit. 

She headed straight for the presents every time she was put down.

My mom and MIL matched. Fate.

My best friend Stephanie and her husband John gave Bella that turtle and a build-a-bear named "Belly Bear" because we call her "Belly" all the time. So cute!

Hand-made hat from my grandma. Bella didn't want to try it on.

Little baby Nikes!

Over the bow.

I love her excited face!

She wasn't all that into the cake. Which is weird because she tore up the cupcake she ate during her one year photos. But oh well! The cake was delicious!

Taking an unsafe ride in her new wagon.

Back of her shirt! Handmade by Patty. :)

Deep post-birthday party discussion with PaPaw.

:)