I have a confession to make - I struggle with depression.
There I said it. I don't know why but I feel like this is something to be ashamed of, something I should keep to myself and not let anyone know about. Well I am tired of keeping it to myself, and if I can let someone else out there know that it's okay if this is your struggle, then it's worth it.
Depression is something I have struggled with for all of my adult life so far, and I believe it will always be something that I have to address or control in some way. Most recently I have realized that the type of depression I have struggled with in the past (and I believe I would struggle with again) is post-partum depression. My depression was so deep with Bella that I was put on medication for it, and I am still on that medication today. It helps me, it balances my moods, and essentially does what my brain and my body cannot do without it. Yes you read that right, that means I was on an anti-depressant when I was pregnant with Brantley. That is a guilt I have struggled with on a completely different level. Brantley is safe and healthy and I don't regret my decision.
When bringing home a new baby, it doesn't take long to realize what is happening - change. Everything is changing. Ultimately in the long run, it is for the better, but it's hard to see that at 3 am when you haven't slept in what feels like days and you don't remember the last conversation you had with your husband that wasn't about your kids.
In those moments, with both of my sweet babies, I have felt sadness. I have felt panic, fear, guilt, and I mourn the loss of my old life. With Bella I felt like we hadn't had enough time to just be married, that now we had this whole other little life depending on us and it would never, as long as we live, just be me and Joe ever again. You may be thinking "why didn't you think of that before?" or "why didn't that occur to you while you were pregnant?" and I did think of it, and it did occur to me. But it hit me straight in the face when I was holding my colic-y newborn and crying myself that this was my life now.
With Brantley, I know those days are short. I know this newborn phase (which I'm being honest, is not my favorite baby phase) will pass and - dare I say it - I will miss him being tiny and cuddly and warm and all of his newborn baby noises. There is comfort in knowing for sure that "this too shall pass." So with Brantley I would say the depression I have felt is different. But mourning the loss of my old life just the same. Mostly so far (in these short six days) I have felt so much guilt towards my sweet Bella. She is only 26 months old! Barely 2! and here I am uprooting her whole world. She has to share her mommy and daddy. I have cried and cried for her, hating that I can't come to her room and play in her castle everytime she wants, hating that she is leaning and growing closer and closer to her daddy and I feel like farther and farther from me. Because I feed the baby! Brantley and I are attached and I can't do as much with my girl because I am taking care of my sweet baby boy. I am sad over the days that will no longer be. The days of just Joe, Bella, and me are gone. And I loved those days. I love my baby crawling into bed with us almost every single morning and I hate that now I have to tell her to whisper because the baby is next to me, asleep. I just want her to know how much I love her and that this baby brother of hers is a blessing. I hate that she is jealous and sad and confused. It hurts my heart.
I know my babies are a blessing and I thank God for them everyday. I hope no one who reads this thinks otherwise. I just had to get this out there because I know in my heart it is so normal and natural to feel this way. I am spending a lot of my days crying, trying to sleep, and feeding my baby, while my big baby is at school or with her daddy or with her grandparents. It is a hard transition and right now I am really missing one on one time with my husband. But I know that it won't be like this for long, and this phase will be a distant, bittersweet memory.
It is tough being a mother. In so many more ways than any book or person can tell you. You love them so much you can't contain it, but that love does not come without sad feelings. And I just needed to write mine down.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Brantley's Birth Story
Can't think of a better way to get back into blogging than writing this down! Poor second child didn't get nearly as many posts about him. :( But I love him all the same!!
I was due on November 18th. My appointments leading up to my due date were pretty uneventful - 1 cm dilated, not effaced at all. So I didn't have a great feeling about having him on my own. I did not want to be induced again!!!
I went to my 39 week appointment on Wednesday, the 13th, and my doctor had some doubts that Brantley was head down. This was news to us, at my three previous appointments I had been checked and the doctors said they felt his head. So we went over to the hospital to have an ultrasound and see if he was breech. Sure enough, he was! So our nurse called my doctor back to see what the next step would be. I went to work and waited to hear from the doctor.
My doctor called me that afternoon and said that she talked to another doctor in her office who was very good at turning babies around and he advised not to try to turn Brantley, but to go ahead and schedule a C-section. He wasn't comfortable with how far along I was, they usually try to flip babies around 37 weeks. So my doctor scheduled my C-section for Saturday the 16th, at 9:30 am.
We had to be at the hospital that Saturday at 7:30 so we spent Thursday and Friday getting everything ready and making arrangements for Bella. I took Friday off work and spent some extra time with Bella. I loved it! So Saturday morning rolled around and we got up and got to the hospital.
It is normal procedure with breech baby C-sections to do another ultrasound before the C-section and make sure that the baby did not flip on his own. This happens sometimes but the nurses told me it was very unlikely this far along. Well LO AND BEHOLD, Brantley did flip! He was head down again. Joe and I were shocked! I was hoping and praying they would keep me and induce me. After all, I was 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant! My doctor came in and checked me, and I was still just 1 cm and not effaced. She told me it would be best for me to go home and hopefully go into labor on my own. She said it wouldn't be best to induce me because I was not more dilated, and it would be a very long process and possibly end in a C-section anyways. In hindsight this makes perfect sense, my induction with Bella was so long and almost ended in a C-section and it was the same case - just 1 cm. So she told us to go home and come to our regular 40 week appointment that Wednesday.
Everyone kept telling me (and they were right!) that it was a blessing that he flipped on his own and that I didn't have to have surgery. But I can't help it - I was so upset! We already had everything planned out. Bella was with my parents, I had already worked out my maternity leave at work, Joe had already taken the whole next week off, and several other things! I know God has a perfect plan better than any I could have for myself, but I couldn't help thinking "Why God? Why did we come up here ready to meet our baby just to be sent home?" It was very upsetting and I was so sad. As the day went on I felt better and better about it. I mean I couldn't change it at that point anyways! Joe took me to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I went home and took a nap.
On Monday we both went back to work, ready to go to our appointment on Wednesday and possibly be induced the next Monday, the 25th. That is as long as my doctor would let me go over. About halfway through the day on Monday, I started having mild contractions. They got slightly stronger as the day went on, but actually they weren't that painful, just pretty consistent. I started timing them when I got home from work and once they were about 4-5 minutes apart, we decided to drop Bella off at my parents house and go in to the hospital to get checked. I knew there was a strong possibility we would get sent home, but I didn't go into labor on my own with Bella, so I just wanted to be safe.
When we got to the hospital, they took us to a room and after what seemed like a long time, the nurse came in to hook me up to the heart monitor and to monitor my contractions. They had lessened at this point but I still wasn't sure what they would say. She tried to find Brantley's heart beat and was having a really hard time. She checked all over my stomach and finally found his heartbeat really high. She said she thought he may have flipped again so she got the ultrasound machine and the on call doctor to come in and check. When the doctor did the ultrasound, she found that Brantley had indeed flipped again, and now he was transverse in my stomach. (Sideways, with his spine down by my cervix.) She said that was dangerous if my water were to break because his cord could fall out. She said she wanted to do a C-section at 6 am unless he flips again, and then she would induce me right away.
This was all so much information at once! I couldn't believe he had flipped again but I was so glad we decided to come in and they discovered this!! They put us in a room around 11:30 that night and said they would be in at five to start prepping me for surgery. I was so nervous about having surgery but so happy that we were finally going to meet our boy!! I think I slept 2-3 hours that night. Too much adrenaline!
The next morning the nurses came in to start getting me ready for surgery. They hooked me up to so many things! The doctor came in while they were doing this and did another ultrasound just to see if he had flipped again. I wouldn't put it past him, he was all over the place! She did the ultrasound and he was no longer transverse, but totally breech again. His head was by my ribs! So the C-section was definitely a go. They hooked me up to an antibiotic to go ahead and start fighting any infection I could possibly get because of the surgery. Almost immediately I started getting hives on my hand and wrist because of it. They took me off of that since I was having an allergic reaction and went to figure out what else to put me on. Unfortunately, the only other antibiotic I could be on had to be in my system for an hour and half before surgery. And there was another surgery scheduled for 7:30 so I had to push mine back to 8:30. But what's two more hours right??
We just sat around and watched TV and waited. My parents and sisters and Bella came back to see us. I was so happy to see my girl before we went into surgery. I felt guilty because she was asleep when we dropped her off the night before so I didn't get to give her a kiss or say goodbye! We got some cute pictures of her holding my hand before we went back.
They took us back right around 8:30 and I went into the room to get totally prepped before Joe could come in. They gave me the spinal block, which I thought really hurt, but right after they got it in my legs were numb in a matter of seconds. My blood pressure started dropping and I started feeling a little panic-y because I couldn't feel my legs and I was feeling lightheaded and nauseous. The nurse who was next to me the whole time kept giving me updates and she said my blood pressure would even out and I would be okay. It did finally come back up and Joe came in so I felt better. I couldn't feel anything from my ribs down. It was surreal. After a few minutes the doctor got him out and Joe went over to see him and take pictures. It took them a little bit longer to sew me back up. The doctor told me that my uterus is heart shaped, which is the reason Brantley kept going breech. I had no idea and never had that problem with Bella!
He was born at 9:07 am, 8 lbs 2 oz, 20 inches long.
I finally got to see him (upside down) and then they took us to recovery for an hour and it was just me, him, and Joe. It was so nice and quiet and we just got to know our son.
Update soon - but this is his birth story!!
I was due on November 18th. My appointments leading up to my due date were pretty uneventful - 1 cm dilated, not effaced at all. So I didn't have a great feeling about having him on my own. I did not want to be induced again!!!
I went to my 39 week appointment on Wednesday, the 13th, and my doctor had some doubts that Brantley was head down. This was news to us, at my three previous appointments I had been checked and the doctors said they felt his head. So we went over to the hospital to have an ultrasound and see if he was breech. Sure enough, he was! So our nurse called my doctor back to see what the next step would be. I went to work and waited to hear from the doctor.
My doctor called me that afternoon and said that she talked to another doctor in her office who was very good at turning babies around and he advised not to try to turn Brantley, but to go ahead and schedule a C-section. He wasn't comfortable with how far along I was, they usually try to flip babies around 37 weeks. So my doctor scheduled my C-section for Saturday the 16th, at 9:30 am.
We had to be at the hospital that Saturday at 7:30 so we spent Thursday and Friday getting everything ready and making arrangements for Bella. I took Friday off work and spent some extra time with Bella. I loved it! So Saturday morning rolled around and we got up and got to the hospital.
It is normal procedure with breech baby C-sections to do another ultrasound before the C-section and make sure that the baby did not flip on his own. This happens sometimes but the nurses told me it was very unlikely this far along. Well LO AND BEHOLD, Brantley did flip! He was head down again. Joe and I were shocked! I was hoping and praying they would keep me and induce me. After all, I was 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant! My doctor came in and checked me, and I was still just 1 cm and not effaced. She told me it would be best for me to go home and hopefully go into labor on my own. She said it wouldn't be best to induce me because I was not more dilated, and it would be a very long process and possibly end in a C-section anyways. In hindsight this makes perfect sense, my induction with Bella was so long and almost ended in a C-section and it was the same case - just 1 cm. So she told us to go home and come to our regular 40 week appointment that Wednesday.
Everyone kept telling me (and they were right!) that it was a blessing that he flipped on his own and that I didn't have to have surgery. But I can't help it - I was so upset! We already had everything planned out. Bella was with my parents, I had already worked out my maternity leave at work, Joe had already taken the whole next week off, and several other things! I know God has a perfect plan better than any I could have for myself, but I couldn't help thinking "Why God? Why did we come up here ready to meet our baby just to be sent home?" It was very upsetting and I was so sad. As the day went on I felt better and better about it. I mean I couldn't change it at that point anyways! Joe took me to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I went home and took a nap.
On Monday we both went back to work, ready to go to our appointment on Wednesday and possibly be induced the next Monday, the 25th. That is as long as my doctor would let me go over. About halfway through the day on Monday, I started having mild contractions. They got slightly stronger as the day went on, but actually they weren't that painful, just pretty consistent. I started timing them when I got home from work and once they were about 4-5 minutes apart, we decided to drop Bella off at my parents house and go in to the hospital to get checked. I knew there was a strong possibility we would get sent home, but I didn't go into labor on my own with Bella, so I just wanted to be safe.
When we got to the hospital, they took us to a room and after what seemed like a long time, the nurse came in to hook me up to the heart monitor and to monitor my contractions. They had lessened at this point but I still wasn't sure what they would say. She tried to find Brantley's heart beat and was having a really hard time. She checked all over my stomach and finally found his heartbeat really high. She said she thought he may have flipped again so she got the ultrasound machine and the on call doctor to come in and check. When the doctor did the ultrasound, she found that Brantley had indeed flipped again, and now he was transverse in my stomach. (Sideways, with his spine down by my cervix.) She said that was dangerous if my water were to break because his cord could fall out. She said she wanted to do a C-section at 6 am unless he flips again, and then she would induce me right away.
This was all so much information at once! I couldn't believe he had flipped again but I was so glad we decided to come in and they discovered this!! They put us in a room around 11:30 that night and said they would be in at five to start prepping me for surgery. I was so nervous about having surgery but so happy that we were finally going to meet our boy!! I think I slept 2-3 hours that night. Too much adrenaline!
The next morning the nurses came in to start getting me ready for surgery. They hooked me up to so many things! The doctor came in while they were doing this and did another ultrasound just to see if he had flipped again. I wouldn't put it past him, he was all over the place! She did the ultrasound and he was no longer transverse, but totally breech again. His head was by my ribs! So the C-section was definitely a go. They hooked me up to an antibiotic to go ahead and start fighting any infection I could possibly get because of the surgery. Almost immediately I started getting hives on my hand and wrist because of it. They took me off of that since I was having an allergic reaction and went to figure out what else to put me on. Unfortunately, the only other antibiotic I could be on had to be in my system for an hour and half before surgery. And there was another surgery scheduled for 7:30 so I had to push mine back to 8:30. But what's two more hours right??
We just sat around and watched TV and waited. My parents and sisters and Bella came back to see us. I was so happy to see my girl before we went into surgery. I felt guilty because she was asleep when we dropped her off the night before so I didn't get to give her a kiss or say goodbye! We got some cute pictures of her holding my hand before we went back.
They took us back right around 8:30 and I went into the room to get totally prepped before Joe could come in. They gave me the spinal block, which I thought really hurt, but right after they got it in my legs were numb in a matter of seconds. My blood pressure started dropping and I started feeling a little panic-y because I couldn't feel my legs and I was feeling lightheaded and nauseous. The nurse who was next to me the whole time kept giving me updates and she said my blood pressure would even out and I would be okay. It did finally come back up and Joe came in so I felt better. I couldn't feel anything from my ribs down. It was surreal. After a few minutes the doctor got him out and Joe went over to see him and take pictures. It took them a little bit longer to sew me back up. The doctor told me that my uterus is heart shaped, which is the reason Brantley kept going breech. I had no idea and never had that problem with Bella!
He was born at 9:07 am, 8 lbs 2 oz, 20 inches long.
I finally got to see him (upside down) and then they took us to recovery for an hour and it was just me, him, and Joe. It was so nice and quiet and we just got to know our son.
Update soon - but this is his birth story!!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Happenings....
Whew what a couple weeks it has been....let me start with last Monday: our air went out! Like OUT out. Need a whole new system out! I was in tears trying to figure out what to do, and up until last night we stayed with my parents. By God's sweet grace we were able to work out who would fix it and how to pay for it for a very very low price. So here I am, in my own house, at my own computer, enjoying my air. It's great. I really took it for granted and probably will again...
On to better news, the baby is a BOY!!! AHHH!! I'm so excited, I just knew he was a boy. It was different than with Bella in so many ways! I can't wait for my sweet girl to have a baby brother, and to hold a newborn again! Only 4ish more months!
We are naming him Brantley Owen, which means "proud fighter." Owen is a family name, every first born son on his dad's side has that name, and I've always loved it. And we just loved Brantley. It's different, but not crazy, and we are going to call him Brant. I'm in love!
Okay so those are really the only two big things that have happened in the last week or two. But they were big important things! We have now had to replace the air conditioning AND the water heater in our house, but that's the joy of being a homeowner I suppose...
Now I am really looking forward to this weekend. Tonight is our first night back in our house and Bella and I are currently watching Tangled. Tomorrow we have Back Pack Day at church where we are getting supplies ready to give to kids for school who can't afford it. I'm really excited to be part of it. And Joe and I are getting a NEW couch and recliner!!! We needed something smaller to make more room for the baby and we found exactly what we want. We have just been waiting for them to go on sale and tomorrow is the day!
I'm very excited about furniture, which just shows how my life has changed. But I love this life!!! And there is your update, world.
On to better news, the baby is a BOY!!! AHHH!! I'm so excited, I just knew he was a boy. It was different than with Bella in so many ways! I can't wait for my sweet girl to have a baby brother, and to hold a newborn again! Only 4ish more months!
We are naming him Brantley Owen, which means "proud fighter." Owen is a family name, every first born son on his dad's side has that name, and I've always loved it. And we just loved Brantley. It's different, but not crazy, and we are going to call him Brant. I'm in love!
Okay so those are really the only two big things that have happened in the last week or two. But they were big important things! We have now had to replace the air conditioning AND the water heater in our house, but that's the joy of being a homeowner I suppose...
Now I am really looking forward to this weekend. Tonight is our first night back in our house and Bella and I are currently watching Tangled. Tomorrow we have Back Pack Day at church where we are getting supplies ready to give to kids for school who can't afford it. I'm really excited to be part of it. And Joe and I are getting a NEW couch and recliner!!! We needed something smaller to make more room for the baby and we found exactly what we want. We have just been waiting for them to go on sale and tomorrow is the day!
I'm very excited about furniture, which just shows how my life has changed. But I love this life!!! And there is your update, world.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Marriage
Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem like it has been that long, maybe because we have only known each other for four and a half. :) Nevertheless, we have been through so much in the past four years, and I know the next four and the next FORTY will bring many more changes! (And hopefully more babies. :) )
We bought a house, got a dog, had a baby, bought a car, I quit my job, I stayed home with Bella for five months, I got a new job, and now we are having another baby! In 4 anniversaries, I have been pregnant for two of them! And both during the summer....but that's a different post!
I have been thinking about marriage a lot lately and what it means to me and what I have learned. I think so many people in life view marriage as just another relationship, just something they can walk away from if it doesn't go the way they want or if it gets "too hard." I think this is how society displays marriage and it's sad, because that is absolutely not what marriage is meant to be.
Marriage is HARD. It is not easy and if anyone ever tells you it is, they are lying! It is not always hard of course, we have a ton of fun together and get along great most of the time. But making decisions and choices while considering someone else's feelings and opinions in everything you do (as it should be) is so hard! It's hard not to be selfish, it's hard to worry about someone else all the time, it's hard to disagree, it's hard to deal with another person 24/7!
For example, I never pick up my shoes. I take them off when I get home and leave them wherever they land. Joe hates this! He is always putting them away for me or asking me why I never put my shoes away. On the opposite hand, Joe is very forgetful. I hate repeating myself! I have to tell him the same thing 5 times sometimes before it sticks!
Of course these are little things, and in the grand scheme of life there are so many problems that come at a marriage that challenge you, what you believe in, who you are, and why you married this person. I believe when these challenges come, they are meant to make you stronger as a couple. When you get married, you become one person. You make decisions together, you raise your children together, you go to church together, etc. Together is the key word. If you try to be independent and do things on your own, it just doesn't work.
I know that I have only been married four years, and even in my mind that seems like such a short amount of time. But we have been through struggles, we have had big fights, we have left the house angry. That's just part of it. It is not all fun and games. Learning to live with and share your life with another person is hard for everyone. I have to say what I think keeps us on track is God. We are not perfect by any means. We both have so many areas in our spiritual lives that we need to work on. But we love God and our relationship works so much better and smoother when we keep him in the middle of it.
I don't even really know what I'm saying here, just that I love my husband. I love him so much. He is a wonderful man. He is a great father, a great husband, a great teacher, and a great leader. He works hard for our family and I'm so blessed he chose me. There is no one else in this world I would rather be on this road with. I know our relationship is blessed, I know we are meant to be together, and I am reminded of that all the time. I love him I love him I love him.
We bought a house, got a dog, had a baby, bought a car, I quit my job, I stayed home with Bella for five months, I got a new job, and now we are having another baby! In 4 anniversaries, I have been pregnant for two of them! And both during the summer....but that's a different post!
I have been thinking about marriage a lot lately and what it means to me and what I have learned. I think so many people in life view marriage as just another relationship, just something they can walk away from if it doesn't go the way they want or if it gets "too hard." I think this is how society displays marriage and it's sad, because that is absolutely not what marriage is meant to be.
Marriage is HARD. It is not easy and if anyone ever tells you it is, they are lying! It is not always hard of course, we have a ton of fun together and get along great most of the time. But making decisions and choices while considering someone else's feelings and opinions in everything you do (as it should be) is so hard! It's hard not to be selfish, it's hard to worry about someone else all the time, it's hard to disagree, it's hard to deal with another person 24/7!
For example, I never pick up my shoes. I take them off when I get home and leave them wherever they land. Joe hates this! He is always putting them away for me or asking me why I never put my shoes away. On the opposite hand, Joe is very forgetful. I hate repeating myself! I have to tell him the same thing 5 times sometimes before it sticks!
Of course these are little things, and in the grand scheme of life there are so many problems that come at a marriage that challenge you, what you believe in, who you are, and why you married this person. I believe when these challenges come, they are meant to make you stronger as a couple. When you get married, you become one person. You make decisions together, you raise your children together, you go to church together, etc. Together is the key word. If you try to be independent and do things on your own, it just doesn't work.
I know that I have only been married four years, and even in my mind that seems like such a short amount of time. But we have been through struggles, we have had big fights, we have left the house angry. That's just part of it. It is not all fun and games. Learning to live with and share your life with another person is hard for everyone. I have to say what I think keeps us on track is God. We are not perfect by any means. We both have so many areas in our spiritual lives that we need to work on. But we love God and our relationship works so much better and smoother when we keep him in the middle of it.
I don't even really know what I'm saying here, just that I love my husband. I love him so much. He is a wonderful man. He is a great father, a great husband, a great teacher, and a great leader. He works hard for our family and I'm so blessed he chose me. There is no one else in this world I would rather be on this road with. I know our relationship is blessed, I know we are meant to be together, and I am reminded of that all the time. I love him I love him I love him.
On our honeymoon in 2009
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Update on Number Two
I haven't posted on my blog about expecting No. 2 but I posted it on Facebook, like everything else, I know, so I am just going to do an update of how things are going so far on here. Mostly for me to remember later! And whatever silent readers I have out there. :)
I found out I was pregnant in March, at only 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I found out at five weeks with Bella, which is early, but four weeks seems so much earlier! I was at work. I just couldn't wait until I got home. I really can't wait for anything, so there's that. The first person in my family I told was my dad. I called him and told him I wanted to surprise mom, Emily, and Bree that night. I bought Bella a "Big Sister" tshirt and put that on her. That's how I told Joe and the rest of my family! It was so exciting. Joe and I weren't all that surprised I guess, because we wanted a second baby, but it did happen much quicker than it did with Bella. That is what surprised me the most.
I am due November 18th. Today I am 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It has flown by. Seriously this is going by so much faster than my Bella pregnancy did. I guess because I have a toddler I am running after and just in general more going on than last time. But I am glad it's going so fast! I am trying to enjoy every second.
It has been the same as my pregnancy with Bella as far as having the same initial symptoms. I was so tired at first, but never nauseous or throwing up or anything. Blessed! There have been significant differences though. I showed a lot sooner, which I hear is common once you have already been pregnant. I also feel like I'm carrying more out than wide, if that makes sense. Physically, although I haven't been sick, I gag at a lot of stuff! It has calmed down since I've settled into the second tri, but the silliest things make me gag. And I, in general, do not have a weak stomach so its strange! Joe thinks these differences mean the baby is a boy. I am leaning towards boy also but will be so happy if I have another girl as well!
We find out on July 5th at 8:30 what the baby is. I'm not anxious or anything. :) I have a countdown on my phone! I can't wait, only two more weeks. Other than waiting impatiently for this appointment, it really has been another wonderful pregnancy. When I tell people I am due in November they are so surprised like I have so much longer to go. But it is almost the end of June, and I'm almost halfway through. I think people just have a hard time grasping that fall isn't far away when summer has really only just begun.
So there you go. A post completely baby related.
I found out I was pregnant in March, at only 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I found out at five weeks with Bella, which is early, but four weeks seems so much earlier! I was at work. I just couldn't wait until I got home. I really can't wait for anything, so there's that. The first person in my family I told was my dad. I called him and told him I wanted to surprise mom, Emily, and Bree that night. I bought Bella a "Big Sister" tshirt and put that on her. That's how I told Joe and the rest of my family! It was so exciting. Joe and I weren't all that surprised I guess, because we wanted a second baby, but it did happen much quicker than it did with Bella. That is what surprised me the most.
I am due November 18th. Today I am 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It has flown by. Seriously this is going by so much faster than my Bella pregnancy did. I guess because I have a toddler I am running after and just in general more going on than last time. But I am glad it's going so fast! I am trying to enjoy every second.
It has been the same as my pregnancy with Bella as far as having the same initial symptoms. I was so tired at first, but never nauseous or throwing up or anything. Blessed! There have been significant differences though. I showed a lot sooner, which I hear is common once you have already been pregnant. I also feel like I'm carrying more out than wide, if that makes sense. Physically, although I haven't been sick, I gag at a lot of stuff! It has calmed down since I've settled into the second tri, but the silliest things make me gag. And I, in general, do not have a weak stomach so its strange! Joe thinks these differences mean the baby is a boy. I am leaning towards boy also but will be so happy if I have another girl as well!
We find out on July 5th at 8:30 what the baby is. I'm not anxious or anything. :) I have a countdown on my phone! I can't wait, only two more weeks. Other than waiting impatiently for this appointment, it really has been another wonderful pregnancy. When I tell people I am due in November they are so surprised like I have so much longer to go. But it is almost the end of June, and I'm almost halfway through. I think people just have a hard time grasping that fall isn't far away when summer has really only just begun.
So there you go. A post completely baby related.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Potty Training / Father's Day
Well it's Tuesday and we have officially been potty training for 8 days. The weekend was pretty rough, we had a yard sale Saturday and then spent the rest of the day shopping with our earnings so there wasn't a lot of time at home. Then Sunday we were running all over the place for Father's Day so Bella was only at home for an hour, during which she slept. So we started fresh yesterday and she peed once in the potty and once today. It is slow moving but she is starting to understand. She went swimming during our yard sale Saturday and when she got out and was dripping wet she said "oh no peepee!" because she thought she peed in her pants. It was cute and also sad haha. So we will see how it goes.
For Father's day we surprised Joe's dad and went to church with his family, then went out to lunch with them afterwards. We went to dinner with my parents and sisters that night too so it was a very busy day! This is a short and sweet one but I am just glad to be blogging again.
And hopefully my camera will be fixed by the end of this month so they won't all be boring, pictureless posts! :)
For Father's day we surprised Joe's dad and went to church with his family, then went out to lunch with them afterwards. We went to dinner with my parents and sisters that night too so it was a very busy day! This is a short and sweet one but I am just glad to be blogging again.
And hopefully my camera will be fixed by the end of this month so they won't all be boring, pictureless posts! :)
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Potty Training: Day 3/4
Mock me if you will but I like having a record of how things are going in this area with Bella. Maybe it will help me when it comes time to potty train Number 2. (I call the baby that all the time and it always makes me think of Austin Powers.)
Yesterday Bella peed in the potty once after a nap and had about five or six accidents. Yesterday evening was pretty frustrating with the accidents but I was still thrilled that she pottied two days in a row!
Today was GREAT! She used the potty twice!!! And the last time she had an accident she cried about getting pee on her, which I thought was great progress since at first she didnt care if she peed on herself or not. I'm so happy with how things are going. I don't know if it will stick or not but I am glad we tried it out. We will see how this weekend and next week go, hopefully she will continue to make progress!
It is so surreal watching someone you gave birth to grow up. I find myself in tears at the smallest things, including her wearing her "big girl panties." I remember when she was 8 lbs 10 ounces of sweet baby in my arms and I can't believe this little girl in front of me is in fact that same sweet baby. It is truly bittersweet, being a parent. I love every new thing she learns, but I wish I had more time with my little girl.
This picture BREAKS MY HEART!
Yesterday Bella peed in the potty once after a nap and had about five or six accidents. Yesterday evening was pretty frustrating with the accidents but I was still thrilled that she pottied two days in a row!
Today was GREAT! She used the potty twice!!! And the last time she had an accident she cried about getting pee on her, which I thought was great progress since at first she didnt care if she peed on herself or not. I'm so happy with how things are going. I don't know if it will stick or not but I am glad we tried it out. We will see how this weekend and next week go, hopefully she will continue to make progress!
It is so surreal watching someone you gave birth to grow up. I find myself in tears at the smallest things, including her wearing her "big girl panties." I remember when she was 8 lbs 10 ounces of sweet baby in my arms and I can't believe this little girl in front of me is in fact that same sweet baby. It is truly bittersweet, being a parent. I love every new thing she learns, but I wish I had more time with my little girl.
This picture BREAKS MY HEART!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Potty Training: Day 2 & 21 month update.
Two days in a row! Maybe it will stick this time, who knows??
My Bella Rae is 21 months old today! It is so hard to believe that just seven months ago she was barely taking steps, and now she is running, climbing, and jumping all over my life. She is such a crazy kid! I love her, she's so much fun.
She has almost all of her teeth now I'm pretty sure, I don't really know how many she is supposed to have, honestly. But she has a lot! :) She is finally keeping bows in her hair and I'm glad because its at an awkward length and I never know what to do with it! It's a lot thicker than it used to be though, and still strawberry blonde.
She says so many things. I couldn't even begin to count them all. Her favorite phrase these days is "Don't want to" or "don't have to" so that's a LOT of fun. Of course when I sit down to write the stuff she does I can never remember it all! I wish I had a pick of her from today but my camera is still sadly broken, and I don't feel like uploading a pic from my phone to here. Lazy!
She loves "beeball" and playing out side. She loves to "shwing" and cows are her favorite animal. She moo's at everything. I'm getting really excited about her birthday, it's only 3 months away! We are doing a Veggie Tales party and I think she will love it.
Okay, down to business: potty training. Today she was with Joe's mom and not Joe, so I didn't call every hour for updates :) but she peed in the potty today! She had 5 accidents in all, but one glorious pee in the potty and I am so proud! Everyone made a huge deal about how wonderful it was and how proud they were of her, and she got a snack. So I hope that it sinks it how wonderful it is to pee on the potty and we see more progress! I am so happy and so proud of my little Belly.
My Bella Rae is 21 months old today! It is so hard to believe that just seven months ago she was barely taking steps, and now she is running, climbing, and jumping all over my life. She is such a crazy kid! I love her, she's so much fun.
She has almost all of her teeth now I'm pretty sure, I don't really know how many she is supposed to have, honestly. But she has a lot! :) She is finally keeping bows in her hair and I'm glad because its at an awkward length and I never know what to do with it! It's a lot thicker than it used to be though, and still strawberry blonde.
She says so many things. I couldn't even begin to count them all. Her favorite phrase these days is "Don't want to" or "don't have to" so that's a LOT of fun. Of course when I sit down to write the stuff she does I can never remember it all! I wish I had a pick of her from today but my camera is still sadly broken, and I don't feel like uploading a pic from my phone to here. Lazy!
She loves "beeball" and playing out side. She loves to "shwing" and cows are her favorite animal. She moo's at everything. I'm getting really excited about her birthday, it's only 3 months away! We are doing a Veggie Tales party and I think she will love it.
Okay, down to business: potty training. Today she was with Joe's mom and not Joe, so I didn't call every hour for updates :) but she peed in the potty today! She had 5 accidents in all, but one glorious pee in the potty and I am so proud! Everyone made a huge deal about how wonderful it was and how proud they were of her, and she got a snack. So I hope that it sinks it how wonderful it is to pee on the potty and we see more progress! I am so happy and so proud of my little Belly.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Potty Training: Day One
Well here I am. Back at it. I really don't know why I haven't written a blog in so long, all I know is that a lot has happened and I realized I want to be able to look back and remember things! Which is the point of a blog. So what better subject to start back with than potty training? :)
We have been talking about potty training Bella for a couple of months now. We knew that summer time would be a good time to do it since Joe is home (although less now, since he works two jobs) and that way we can work on getting her out of diapers before we have another one in diapers (which I also haven't blogged about).
So we thought about it and thought about it and talked about it and talked about it and today I just decided we were going to do it! These are the signs she has been showing lately that led me - and others - to believe that she may be ready:
- She tells us when she poops.
- She gets diapers out of her diaper bag and tries to change herself. (hilarious)
- She shows an interest in her potty, which has been sitting in the bathroom for months, and shows interest when we go to the potty with her. (It happens, she follows me around.)
- She takes naps without peeing.
Now, she doesn't sleep through the night without peeing, but we thought we would tackle daytime potty training first and leave her in diapers/pull ups over night and during naps. I asked the advice of some friends, including Devan, who has a daughter about six weeks older than Bella and has already started successfully potty training her. After all that, this is what I came up with.
I bought the Gerber training pants, some colorful some plain. I prefer and recommend the colorful ones, although they are more expensive, because they came with plastic sewed into them, which kept them from leaking, but still allowed Bella to feel when she was wet. The cotton ones did that as well, but I like the plastic being in the pants. For the plain ones, we bought princess undies to go over them, so Bella could get excited about how pretty they were. Which she did!
I chose to do pull ups during the night and quit diapers cold turkey, like some other moms I know have done. I explained to Bella before I put her to bed just now that those are her night time panties. And when she wears the Gerber ones, we call them her "big girl" panties. She has really caught on to the fact that they are a big deal because every five minutes she wants me to see her "pretty panties."
At first we had the potty in the bathroom, but then we moved it out to the living room. I thought it might help because then she wouldn't have to go in a completely different room to potty, she could just go immediately wherever she is.
First thing this morning she seemed excited about the potty, but then she started crying and freaking out every time we put her on it! I started to doubt myself and think we were traumatizing her by making her sit on it, but once again, from the help of other moms I learned that she isn't the only one to do that, so we kept going. This evening she was fine with it so hopefully she won't have that reaction anymore.
All in all we had four accidents for the day and no pees or poops on the potty. Four doesn't sound that bad to me though. She isn't a big pee-er, she goes hours during the day without going, so hopefully that will make the process easier. At the very least it made today full of less messes! Patience is absolutely not my strong suit so I'm happy with how I handled today. Ask me how I'm handling it in two weeks and we shall see. :)
We have been talking about potty training Bella for a couple of months now. We knew that summer time would be a good time to do it since Joe is home (although less now, since he works two jobs) and that way we can work on getting her out of diapers before we have another one in diapers (which I also haven't blogged about).
So we thought about it and thought about it and talked about it and talked about it and today I just decided we were going to do it! These are the signs she has been showing lately that led me - and others - to believe that she may be ready:
- She tells us when she poops.
- She gets diapers out of her diaper bag and tries to change herself. (hilarious)
- She shows an interest in her potty, which has been sitting in the bathroom for months, and shows interest when we go to the potty with her. (It happens, she follows me around.)
- She takes naps without peeing.
Now, she doesn't sleep through the night without peeing, but we thought we would tackle daytime potty training first and leave her in diapers/pull ups over night and during naps. I asked the advice of some friends, including Devan, who has a daughter about six weeks older than Bella and has already started successfully potty training her. After all that, this is what I came up with.
I bought the Gerber training pants, some colorful some plain. I prefer and recommend the colorful ones, although they are more expensive, because they came with plastic sewed into them, which kept them from leaking, but still allowed Bella to feel when she was wet. The cotton ones did that as well, but I like the plastic being in the pants. For the plain ones, we bought princess undies to go over them, so Bella could get excited about how pretty they were. Which she did!
I chose to do pull ups during the night and quit diapers cold turkey, like some other moms I know have done. I explained to Bella before I put her to bed just now that those are her night time panties. And when she wears the Gerber ones, we call them her "big girl" panties. She has really caught on to the fact that they are a big deal because every five minutes she wants me to see her "pretty panties."
At first we had the potty in the bathroom, but then we moved it out to the living room. I thought it might help because then she wouldn't have to go in a completely different room to potty, she could just go immediately wherever she is.
First thing this morning she seemed excited about the potty, but then she started crying and freaking out every time we put her on it! I started to doubt myself and think we were traumatizing her by making her sit on it, but once again, from the help of other moms I learned that she isn't the only one to do that, so we kept going. This evening she was fine with it so hopefully she won't have that reaction anymore.
All in all we had four accidents for the day and no pees or poops on the potty. Four doesn't sound that bad to me though. She isn't a big pee-er, she goes hours during the day without going, so hopefully that will make the process easier. At the very least it made today full of less messes! Patience is absolutely not my strong suit so I'm happy with how I handled today. Ask me how I'm handling it in two weeks and we shall see. :)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The McGraw Family
--I have posted this word for word from my mom's group, because I didn't know how else to word it on my own. I hope that by posting this people will learn about Jen and her story and do what you can do help her out. She is just a woman who wants to be a mother, and this is a step in that direction.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
No Picture Post. New Year's Resolutions.
Well another Christmas has come and gone. It was a wonderful time around here, I hope yours was too! I will separately post about that, because my girl was so much more fun this year and I need to talk about it!
But I wanted to blog about my new year's resolutions in hopes to maybe stick with them more and have them recorded as evidence!
1) Lose weight.
2) Save money.
3) Cook more.
4) Read my Bible more.
5) BLOG MORE.
All of these things are very important to me and will help bring my family to a healthier, happier, Godlier 2013. I am looking forward to the year and all it has to offer us!!
:)
But I wanted to blog about my new year's resolutions in hopes to maybe stick with them more and have them recorded as evidence!
1) Lose weight.
2) Save money.
3) Cook more.
4) Read my Bible more.
5) BLOG MORE.
All of these things are very important to me and will help bring my family to a healthier, happier, Godlier 2013. I am looking forward to the year and all it has to offer us!!
:)
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