My baby is one.

My baby is one. She is a crawling, talking, dancing, laughing, kissing, throwing-food-on-the-floor-on-purpose one year old. I have repeated that sentence over and over today, thinking maybe the next time it will sink in. But maybe it never does. I am surrounded by mothers and to me that's just who they are. My mother is a mom. My mother in law is a mom. My friends are moms, my teachers were moms, my coworkers are moms. It is no big deal to me, from the outside looking in, but is it always this surreal feeling? Will I always be in a state of awe and shock at the incredibly swift passing of time?

I keep saying I can't believe Bella is one. And then it will be...
"I can't believe Bella is two."
"I can't believe Bella's in kindergarten."

"I can't believe Bella can drive."

"I can't believe Bella's getting married."

"I can't believe Bella's having a baby."

Does it ever go away? I always feel like I'm still getting used to this. Like I just brought her home and the mistakes I make are okay because I'm a "first time mom" and I've never done this before. But it will still be new to me at every age, at least for Bella. She is my firstborn, the one who made me a mother. No matter how many other children we have, everything with her will always be new. 

I hope she cuts me some slack for that. When she is mad at me when she's seventeen I hope she knows I am second-guessing our argument too. I hope she knows that this is uncharted territory for me too and we can figure it out together. I just want her to know I love her. And she won't ever know how much, until she has a baby of her own (many MANY years from now!). I love her so much words are not even enough, I would and will do anything for her. 

I try not to get too deep and sentimental regarding her too often, but then again I think it helps me live more in the moment. It helps me remember that she won't always be so excited at just the sight of me from across the room, or give me kisses without asking for them. I know a lot of heartbreak lies ahead for us both on this journey, but there is a lot of love up ahead too. 

Happy birthday, baby girl.