Bella - 15 months

So much has changed since September!! It is crazy how much babies change in such a short amount of time. Bella had her 15 month check up on the 12th. She weighs 24 lbs 10 oz, and she is 31.5 inches long. 85th and 90th percentile, so Joe is happy! Haha. I can't believe she is now ten inches longer than when she was born and she weighs three times as much! 

Thanksgiving.

She is full blown walking now. She never crawls anymore, unless she is feeling lazy. I guess she started walking more right around 14 months and from there she just took off. It is the cutest thing in the world, watching her wobble around. Sometimes she gets really excited like she's going to run, but that never works out well. :)

With her cousin, second cousin, third cousin my cousin's daughter, Maddie. :)

She is talking SO MUCH. She says mama, dada or daddy, papaw, nana, Bree Bree, Emmy, thank you (so cute!), uh-oh, baby, kitty (kiki), dog, Colt, car, shoe, sock, cheese, what's that, chair, tree, ruff (like a dog bark), pan-pan (pancake), ow, woah, and meow, that I can think of. 

"Helping" with the tree. 

She can also say ear and eye and point to where they are, and when you say one, she will say "two"! It is so cute. She "talks" on the phone all the time, and dances to every song she hears. And she says thank you at the right times, like when you hand her something or do something for her. I can't even handle the cuteness. Seriously, I am crazy about her. 

At my cousin's birthday party in November. 

She loves to "throw the football" with her daddy, which is actually really cute to watch. She is such a mama, she loves carrying her baby dolls around and sitting them next to her in a chair. We got her a doll stroller for Christmas, and a little shopping cart with a place to sit a doll. I can't wait to see her face!

Being cute with that scrunchy nose. 

She has started climbing lately. Luckily, most things are still too tall for her to conquer, but she tries! Last night I turned my head for one second and she climbed up on top of a 36 pack of Diet Dr. Pepper we had in the kitchen! 

I can't wait to see what she gets into next!

Ramblings....

I have written and deleted this post over and over. I am not sure where to begin, but I'm not a person who keeps my feelings inside. I need to talk about them. I need to have it all out in the open.

Tragedies happen all the time and we think "oh how sad" and shake our heads at the world. We feel sorry for the people it happened to while inside we are beyond relieved it didn't happen to us. Car crashes, fires, terrorist attacks, we are all thinking "Thank God it wasn't us" or "I just don't know what I would do" and then our lives keep going. Life doesn't stop for people just because their world stops. It's the hard truth. We see the horrible things happening in our world on TV, then we complain. We complain about having to get up and go to work or forgetting to stop by the store or the weather or anything that disrupts our happy lives.

I am not going to pretend that I know what it feels like to lose a child. I hope I never know what that feels like. And these thoughts I'm typing out may not even make sense when I get done because my mind is racing. All I do know is that I've never been more thankful for my sweet baby girl and every single thing about her than I have been in the last three days.

On Friday, mothers lost their children at the hand of someone else. Someone set out and chose to hurt and kill their babies. All I can think about, over and over, is what were they thinking in that classroom? Were they scared? Did they yell for their mommies? Did they reach out for one another? I know these aren't things I should be focused on and it's not going to change anything, I just can't bear the thought of 20 six year olds dying alone.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I were one of those mothers. I'm not sure I would stay a sane person. This isn't one of those tragedies where I shake my head and never really attach myself to it emotionally. I don't know if it is just the unthinkable act itself, or if I keep seeing Bella at six years old in the first grade. If our children cannot even be safe at school, what hope is there?

My first thought as a terrified parent watching this on TV is that I never want Bella to be away from me. That's it, I'm quitting my job and homeschooling her, end of story. But we never know when tragedy can strike, and I know I can't live my life in fear. It is true that  you never know true fear and worry until you become a mother.

I just hope and pray that those parents have faith in God because the only thing that has helped me even be able to watch this on TV is knowing that those sweet children are with Jesus now. They aren't scared or hurting, they are just happy. I hope their parents feel that same peace and know that they will see their kids again one day.

Like I said, I don't know if this even makes sense or if I'm just rambling, all I know is that I am mourning those 20 babies with the state of Connecticut and the rest of the country, and I just wish I could give every single one of those mothers a hug.

Sickness

Everyone in this house is sick. Minus me. Knock on wood...

Bella and Joe both went to the doctor last Saturday and were diagnosed with a cold and bronchitis, respectfully. So for Bella, there was not much we could do besides give her some mucinex. Besides coughing A LOT and a runny nose, she wasn't acting that bad anyways. 

Joe was a different story. He had an ear infection, bronchitis, and strep. All at once. So he was put on an antibiotic and steroids. Turns out they did nothing for him and he had to go back to the Dr on Thursday to get an antibiotic and a steroid shot and then get put on MORE of each. He's always like "did you bring my roids?" like he's a druggie now. Drama.

Poor Bella cannot shake her awful cough. We were supposed to go to a wedding yesterday as a family and they both ended up staying home since they were feeling bad. :( Poor babies! Bella has been sick for a couple weeks now, since she had strep first! I am praying they both feel better very soon.

On another note, the wedding I went to was for a friend of mine, Anner (Andrea) who I have known since I was five years old and we moved here. I love her so much and it was beautiful!! On another even happier note, I'm off tomorrow yayyyyyyyyyyy.

Here are my instagram pictures from the wedding. Since I apparently never take my very expensive camera with me anywhere anymore. -.-

The bride and her daddy.

Sisters!

Friends!

Sisters again.

Cake cutting. (This is the only pic I got of the bride and groom together. And it really does them no justice because they are beautiful people.)

Me and my daddy, who would not even stand up to take a picture with me. 

Facebook.

Well I did it. I deactivated my Facebook. I'm shocked I actually followed through with it. But I realized something today: Facebook runs my life.

I'm not kidding. Thanks to smart phones (which I'm on right now) Facebook was placed at my fingertips. I am always on it. I get up, I Facebook. I go to bed, I Facebook. I get up in the night to use the bathroom or get a drink or check on Bella, I Facebook. I watch a movie with Joe, I Facebook!! pretty much the only time I don't is when I don't have a signal and I can't. This is a sad life.

Not only am I constantly checking it, but I care too much about what goes on. My day will be going perfectly lovely and then something on Facebook will upset me. Then I will proceed to be upset about it and vent about it to multiple people!

Life is too short and my baby is too young and growing too fast for me to miss any second I don't have to. I also want so badly to blog more about this life I love but I don't because I put it all on Facebook!!

I'm sure I will get back on at some point, but right now I'm determined to enjoy more of this:

Another post about Bella....

Yes I know I talk about her a lot.

On her actually birthday Joe and I took off work and took her to the zoo! It was so fun and she was old enough to actually be involved and amazed with the animals. She had a great time and so did we. I also got to meet up with a friend, Ashley, who I have only talked to online. She is not creepy, don't freak out! She is part of a dear mom's group I am in on facebook that has helped me through a lot. It was great to finally meet someone I have been talking to for over a year!

After the zoo we took Bella to the mall and just walked around and enjoyed the day. The weather was perfect too. We ended the day with dinner at my parents house!

However, despite the wonderful day, I FORGOT MY CAMERA. Because I'm a failure. So here are the cell phone pics from the day.

I was pretty proud of her outfit.

yeah...

I'm on a blogging roll this month. I'm pretty proud.

My baby is one.

My baby is one. She is a crawling, talking, dancing, laughing, kissing, throwing-food-on-the-floor-on-purpose one year old. I have repeated that sentence over and over today, thinking maybe the next time it will sink in. But maybe it never does. I am surrounded by mothers and to me that's just who they are. My mother is a mom. My mother in law is a mom. My friends are moms, my teachers were moms, my coworkers are moms. It is no big deal to me, from the outside looking in, but is it always this surreal feeling? Will I always be in a state of awe and shock at the incredibly swift passing of time?

I keep saying I can't believe Bella is one. And then it will be...
"I can't believe Bella is two."
"I can't believe Bella's in kindergarten."

"I can't believe Bella can drive."

"I can't believe Bella's getting married."

"I can't believe Bella's having a baby."

Does it ever go away? I always feel like I'm still getting used to this. Like I just brought her home and the mistakes I make are okay because I'm a "first time mom" and I've never done this before. But it will still be new to me at every age, at least for Bella. She is my firstborn, the one who made me a mother. No matter how many other children we have, everything with her will always be new. 

I hope she cuts me some slack for that. When she is mad at me when she's seventeen I hope she knows I am second-guessing our argument too. I hope she knows that this is uncharted territory for me too and we can figure it out together. I just want her to know I love her. And she won't ever know how much, until she has a baby of her own (many MANY years from now!). I love her so much words are not even enough, I would and will do anything for her. 

I try not to get too deep and sentimental regarding her too often, but then again I think it helps me live more in the moment. It helps me remember that she won't always be so excited at just the sight of me from across the room, or give me kisses without asking for them. I know a lot of heartbreak lies ahead for us both on this journey, but there is a lot of love up ahead too. 

Happy birthday, baby girl. 

The First Birthday Party

Yesterday we had Bella's birthday party. We are having another smaller one at my in-laws next weekend for some extended family on Joe's side, but yesterday was the "big" party. It. Was. Perfect. I could not have asked for better weather, everything as far as food, decorations, Bella's mood - it all fell into place. 

We had a great group of family and close friends and I was just overcome with how many people in our life love our sweet girl. We are so blessed and sometimes I don't think about it enough! My baby is going to be one on Tuesday, that is a whole different post. 

I have had so many mixed emotions with every milestone she hits. It is so exciting and fun to watch her grow and develop her own personality. But I am painfully aware of how little time we get her like this. She will only be little for a very short part of her life. It isn't fair, but if anything it makes me always appreciate her. Even when I am frustrated and she won't stop crying and my house is a wreck and I need a shower, I love her so much it hurts. So much that I can't even contain it in my body. I have always heard people say that having a child is watching your heart beat outside of your body, and that is so true. It's like the day she was born I grew a whole new heart. I never thought love could consume me like it does for her. I love my husband so much and I am so grateful for him everyday, but loving her is different. Such a different love. 

Anyways, enough sap. Onto the pictures!

I made this. Seriously. I know, it's impressive. Thank you Pinterest.

Cake and smash cake!

Month to month pictures and cupcake lights. Overseen by our Lord...

I think she's telling Papaw he's had enough to eat...

Good view of the front of her outfit. 

She headed straight for the presents every time she was put down.

My mom and MIL matched. Fate.

My best friend Stephanie and her husband John gave Bella that turtle and a build-a-bear named "Belly Bear" because we call her "Belly" all the time. So cute!

Hand-made hat from my grandma. Bella didn't want to try it on.

Little baby Nikes!

Over the bow.

I love her excited face!

She wasn't all that into the cake. Which is weird because she tore up the cupcake she ate during her one year photos. But oh well! The cake was delicious!

Taking an unsafe ride in her new wagon.

Back of her shirt! Handmade by Patty. :)

Deep post-birthday party discussion with PaPaw.

:)